What with night sweats, frequent waking and constantly needing to pee, unbroken sleep can start to feel like a distant dream during perimenopause and menopause. While the occasional bad night is usually nothing to worry about, ongoing sleep disruption can ripple out, affecting your mood, energy levels and even your relationships.

‘Insomnia is often one of the very first signs,’ says Dr Elise Dallas, a menopause specialist at The London General Practice. ‘These changes can begin several years before the final menstrual period, sometimes as early as the late 30s or early 40s, when many women don’t yet realise that hormones could be playing a role.’

If you’re already lacking sleep, sharing your bed with a restless partner won’t help, so if they’re contributing to your sleep woes, it could be time to rethink the situation.

What happens to sleep during perimenopause?

Hormonal shifts during perimenopause can wreak havoc on your sleep-wake cycle. In fact, up to 47% of women report sleep disturbances during this stage.

‘As oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone levels decline, they disrupt the brain’s regulation of sleep, mood and body temperature,’ says Dr Elise. ‘Progesterone, which has a calming, sleep-inducing effect, also increases GABA, a neurotransmitter that promotes relaxation. A drop in progesterone can lead to anxiety, restlessness and frequent waking.’

The result? A cascade of sleep issues: insomnia, fragmented sleep, waking to pee, early-morning risings and more. While hormones are the primary culprit, other factors compound the issue – and yes, your partner might be part of that, too.

‘There’s an age-related decline in melatonin production,’ explains Dr Kat Lederle, sleep and circadian rhythm specialist. ‘Interestingly, deep sleep starts to decline earlier in men than in women. So, if your other half is keeping you awake by snoring or fidgeting, it may be time to consider separate beds.’

Is sleeping apart the solution?

Surprisingly, many experts now recommend trialling some version of a ‘sleep divorce’ during menopause. It might sound dramatic, but it doesn’t mean your marriage is in trouble. In fact, whether it’s separate beds, staggered bedtimes or the occasional night in the spare room, it may benefit your health and your relationship.

‘Some people find that sleeping next to their partner has a negative effect on their sleep,’ says Dr Kat. ‘Noise from snoring or restlessness are common factors, but body heat can also play a role. If your partner snores, your sleep is being disrupted. If this happens multiple times, it can affect not only your physiological health, but also your mental wellbeing.’

What about intimacy?

‘This depends on the couple and how the sleep separation is communicated and implemented,’ says Dr Kat. ‘For some it helps, and for others it won’t. Talk about it honestly, sharing your wants, needs and fears.’

Dr Elise agrees: ‘Until symptoms like night sweats or frequent waking settle, sleeping separately can be a helpful short-term solution. Try a break from sharing a bed to see if sleep improves.’

Importantly, physical closeness doesn’t have to end at the bedroom door. ‘Bonding and touch can happen outside the bedroom, or before going to sleep,’ says Dr Kat.

Don’t go sleepless in silence

Sleep troubles during menopause don’t have to be a silent burden, nor do they have to strain your relationship. Separate beds could be the key to reclaiming restful nights and brighter, more connected days.

Whether it’s a temporary reset or a long-term solution, prioritising sleep isn’t selfish – it’s essential. A well-rested you is better equipped to nurture both your health and your relationship.

So, if your shared bed has become a battleground of tossing, turning and overheating, consider this your permission slip to sleep solo – and wake up happier for it.

By Rhalou Allerhand

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